Woman Says Her Mother-in-Law Hijacked Her Shower Plans and Invited People She Never Wanted There

A pregnant woman said she was trying to keep her baby shower small, comfortable, and centered on people she actually wanted there. But after a previous shower was taken over by her mother-in-law, she found herself bracing for the same thing to happen again.

The woman, who said she was 30, explained in a Reddit post that she did not have a close relationship with two women connected to her fiancé’s family. She referred to them as her “sister in laws,” though she clarified they were the girlfriends of her fiancé’s brothers. In her view, they were not sisters to her, and she did not see them as close family. She said she found them rude and disrespectful, though she stayed cordial during family dinners and gatherings.

That was as far as she wanted the relationship to go.

The problem was that her mother-in-law seemed to view the family differently. The poster said she loved her future mother-in-law overall, and she did not describe the situation as a “mama’s boy” issue with her fiancé. But she said this was the first time her mother-in-law had truly annoyed her.

According to the poster, her mother-in-law had already taken control of her bridal shower in a way that left her upset. Her own sister was supposed to organize that shower with help from the mother-in-law. Instead, the poster said her mother-in-law finalized the plans without discussing them with her sister and did not include her sister’s ideas, even though those were the ideas the poster likely would have loved.

The poster said her sister was shocked to find out the plans had already been decided.

Then came the guest issue.

During the bridal shower planning, the poster said her mother-in-law invited the two women she did not want there. The poster had never told her mother-in-law the full truth about her issues with them because she did not want to create tension in the family. Instead, she quietly kept her distance. At family gatherings, she said she did not initiate conversations with them and only spoke when they spoke to her first.

That private approach kept things civil, but it also meant her mother-in-law may not have understood why the poster would not want them at her events.

Now the poster’s sister was in charge of planning her baby shower. This time, her sister had full control, and when the mother-in-law kept pushing to be involved, the sister pushed back. The mother-in-law was told all she needed to do was wait for the invitation.

When the invitations finally went out, they included a clear line asking guests not to forward them because each invitation was intended only for the listed recipient. That wording was not accidental. The poster wanted to avoid the same issue from the bridal shower, where people she did not personally invite ended up included.

Still, her mother-in-law noticed who was missing.

The poster said her mother-in-law started questioning why the two women had not been invited to the baby shower and suggested she invite them. At first, the poster tried to avoid the conversation and brush it off. But her mother-in-law kept pressing, saying inviting them would be the “polite” thing to do.

That pressure pushed the poster to ask Reddit whether she would be wrong for finally telling her mother-in-law the truth about her problems with the two women, hoping the explanation might make her back off. She shared the situation in a post titled “AITAH for excluding my two ‘sister in laws’ to my baby shower?”: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1ks3uv3/aitah_for_excluding_my_two_sister_in_laws_to_my/

For the poster, the issue seemed to be about more than two names on a guest list. It was about whether she had the right to decide who belonged at her own milestone events. She had already watched her bridal shower become something her sister did not help shape and she did not fully recognize. With a baby on the way, she wanted this shower to feel different.

The mother-in-law’s argument was framed around politeness, but the poster clearly felt there was another side to etiquette: it is also not polite to pressure someone into inviting guests they do not want at their own event.

She also seemed aware that staying silent had helped create the confusion. Since she had never told her mother-in-law what happened or why she disliked the two women, her mother-in-law may have assumed everyone was simply family and should be included. But the poster did not want to drag old conflict into the open unless she had to.

That left her in a familiar bind. If she told the truth, she risked family drama. If she stayed quiet, she risked being pushed into another uncomfortable event where her own preferences came second.

The baby shower was supposed to be hosted by her sister and built around the people closest to her. Instead, it became another test of how much pressure she would absorb to keep the peace.

Most commenters told the poster she was not wrong for excluding the two women from her baby shower, but many also said she needed to communicate more clearly.

Several commenters pointed out that the mother-in-law could not fully understand the problem if the poster had never explained it. From that view, avoiding drama in the short term had left the door open for more pressure later.

Others said the guest list should not be up for debate at all. The shower was being hosted by the poster’s sister, and the invitations were already clear that guests should not forward them or add extra people. To those commenters, the mother-in-law’s role was simple: attend if invited, but do not take over.

Some commenters focused on the mother-in-law’s pattern. They said the bridal shower takeover was a warning sign, especially because she finalized plans without including the poster’s sister. If she was allowed to push through the baby shower guest list, they warned, she might keep pushing once the baby arrived.

A few people thought the poster needed to be careful about how she handled it. They suggested saying the shower was limited to close friends and immediate family rather than launching into a full explanation of every past issue with the two women. That way, she could keep the boundary firm without turning the shower into a bigger family fight.

Others were more direct. They said she should tell her mother-in-law the truth and let her reaction show whether she respected the poster’s feelings or cared more about forcing family harmony.

The strongest advice came down to one idea: this was her event, not her mother-in-law’s.

The poster did not need to invite people she did not trust or enjoy simply because someone else thought it looked nicer. And with a baby coming, many commenters felt this was exactly the time to start practicing firmer boundaries, not after the stakes got higher.