New Mom Says Her Mother-in-Law Refused Postpartum Boundaries and Called Her Broken

A new mom said her once-close relationship with her mother-in-law fell apart during pregnancy and postpartum, after repeated fights over boundaries, baby safety, family expectations, and who had the right to decide what happened around her infant.

The woman shared the situation in a Reddit post on r/JUSTNOMIL, explaining that before pregnancy, she had a wonderful relationship with her mother-in-law. She and her husband had been together for four years and married for two when they announced the pregnancy. At first, things seemed fine. Then Thanksgiving came up, and the family conflict started building.

Thanksgiving was usually held at a relative’s house where someone smoked indoors. The poster said she was in her first trimester, sensitive to smells, and worried about cigarette smoke exposure during pregnancy. She and her husband decided she would not attend. Her mother-in-law did not take it well. According to the poster, she hung up on her husband after he shared the news.

A few weeks later, the poster met her mother-in-law, father-in-law, and sister-in-law at a local VFW. She said her mother-in-law had been drinking and started pressing her about skipping Thanksgiving. The poster explained that the rule would not stop after pregnancy. Once the baby was born, they would also avoid smoke exposure because of the risks for infants.

That is when, according to the poster, her mother-in-law told her that if she did not take the baby to that house, they were going to “have a problem.”

The poster left in tears.

From there, the relationship kept deteriorating. The poster said her pregnancy was difficult, made worse by having to stop her ADHD medication. She struggled mentally and physically, but said her husband’s family did not seem to give her much grace. When she was honest about how hard pregnancy felt, her sister-in-law made remarks that left her feeling judged instead of supported.

There were also fights over baby items. The poster said she carefully researched what would work best for her household, including zipper sleepers, formula-making items, and other specific products. Her mother-in-law allegedly called her controlling and anxious for having preferences.

The couple also suggested a grandparenting class through their hospital system. The poster said her father-in-law attended and seemed to learn from it, but her mother-in-law refused and took the suggestion as an insult.

Other decisions caused more tension. When the couple chose friends, not family members, as guardians for their baby if something happened to them, the in-laws were upset. The poster said they acted as if the choice should have been a family discussion, even though she and her husband felt it was entirely their decision.

The poster also set boundaries around labor and postpartum recovery. She did not want visitors in the hospital. She did not want people told when she was in labor. She did not want the baby passed around. She did not want anyone kissing the baby except herself and her husband. She also asked that people who wanted to see the baby early have an up-to-date Tdap booster.

Each boundary seemed to trigger another negative reaction.

When the poster’s water broke early, she ended up having an unplanned C-section. Her husband wanted his mother to visit in the hospital, and the poster gave in. She said her mother-in-law behaved well during that visit, and for a moment, the poster thought maybe their old relationship could come back.

But five days postpartum, everything shifted again.

Her mother-in-law had planned to drop off dinner. An hour before the meal was supposed to arrive, she texted the poster’s husband and said he needed to let the father-in-law and sister-in-law come inside to meet the baby. She said they each deserved time with the baby and that five days had been long enough.

The poster said she was still healing from major surgery, exhausted, in pain, and not ready for visitors. Her husband told his mother they were not up for company.

According to the poster, the meal was withheld.

The mother-in-law also told friends and coworkers about the baby’s birth, even though the couple had said they wanted to keep things quiet for a week or two while the poster recovered. When her husband called his mother out, the poster said the mother-in-law defended it as happy news she wanted to share.

The situation grew worse when the poster agreed to attend a therapy office meeting with her husband and mother-in-law just seven days after giving birth. She brought the baby, strapped to her chest, while she was still in pain and emotionally raw.

During that conversation, the mother-in-law said family members were hurt because they had not met the baby yet. The poster said she had no sympathy for grown adults who could not manage their own expectations about access to her child.

Her mother-in-law responded by saying the poster was difficult to love.

The comment devastated her.

The final breaking point came weeks later during a visit at the mother-in-law’s house. The poster said she had been breastfeeding, was engorged, leaking through her dress, and ready to leave. Her mother-in-law asked to hold the baby. The poster said no at first, then reluctantly agreed to let her hug the baby.

Instead, the mother-in-law took the baby, stood up, and walked out of the room. When she returned, the poster could tell she was about to hand the baby to the sister-in-law without asking. The poster immediately put her arms out and asked for her baby back.

The mother-in-law held the baby away and said it was “just for a minute.”

The poster asked again. Eventually, her mother-in-law handed the baby back.

Afterward, her husband texted his mother and told her that ignoring a parent asking for the baby back was not okay. The poster also told her mother-in-law that her wants did not override the parents’ decisions.

That is when, according to the Reddit post, the mother-in-law texted the husband that the poster was a “broken, damaged and scarred person” and needed professional help. The poster said the insult was especially painful because she had already been seeing a psychiatrist for postpartum mental health support, and her psychiatrist supported her boundaries.

The situation did not improve. The poster said the sister-in-law later accused her of being emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive but could not give examples when the husband asked. Her father-in-law continued bringing up how many days it took before he met the baby. The poster said she felt like she had been treated as an incubator, useful only until she started voicing opinions about her own child.

Months later, the mother-in-law asked the husband for a photo of the baby. He declined, saying he was not comfortable sending pictures given the circumstances. The poster said her mother-in-law then accused the poster of texting from his phone and said if she wanted to “tangle,” she should use her own phone.

When the husband eventually tried to discuss moving forward, the mother-in-law said if she and the father-in-law visited, the sister-in-law had to be included because they were a package deal. She also wanted a private visit with the baby at her house, without the poster present, because she said she could not express herself with the mother “watching like a hawk.”

The poster said that request filled her with rage. In her mind, if someone could not interact with her baby while the baby’s mother was present, that raised even more questions.

She said she wanted her family to go fully no-contact until the behavior changed, but her husband was struggling. The baby was doing well, and the poster said her postpartum experience had otherwise been good. But the stress with her husband’s family had pushed her to a breaking point.

The full Reddit post is available here: MIL refusing to respect postpartum boundaries-called me broken/damaged/scarred.

Commenters strongly backed the poster’s right to protect her postpartum recovery and her baby’s safety.

Many focused on the mother-in-law’s demand for private access to the baby. Commenters said there was no good reason for a grandparent to insist on being alone with an infant while excluding the child’s mother, especially after repeatedly ignoring the parents’ rules.

Others said the husband needed to take a firmer role. They argued that because the conflict was coming from his side of the family, he needed to be the one making it clear that people who insulted his wife, ignored boundaries, or accused her of abuse would not be rewarded with access to the baby.

Several commenters also pointed out that the mother-in-law’s behavior seemed to escalate every time the poster gave in. They said the hospital visit, the early postpartum meeting, the quick visits, and the baby-holding incident all seemed to reinforce the idea that enough pressure would eventually get the family what they wanted.

Some commenters urged the poster to stop defending every decision and instead make clear statements: people who do not respect the parents do not get alone time with the baby. People who accuse the mother of abuse are not welcome in the home. People who ignore a parent asking for the baby back do not get to hold the baby again.

The biggest concern was that the in-laws seemed more focused on their own feelings than on the health of a new mother and newborn. Commenters said hurt feelings were not the same as harm, and adults being disappointed did not outweigh a recovering mother’s need for peace.

By the time the poster turned to Reddit, the issue was no longer one difficult visit or one bad comment. It was a long pattern of relatives pushing past boundaries, then blaming the new mom for reacting. And for many commenters, that made the answer clear: protecting the baby and the mother came first, even if the extended family did not like it.